The High Cost of Being a Woman

6. th 2009 by admin.

By Anne Ream, Guest Writer

In our current society it is more expensive to be a woman than to be a man. Although some men recognize this, others don’t. I’m not sure why they don’t recognize this, that is their issue to think about.

For women, it’s fairly simple. The majority of women’s clothing (the more feminine type of clothing that most men prefer to see women wearing) is more expensive and does not last as long as men’s clothing. Much of the sportswear for men and women is similar in price and quality but many men prefer to see women wearing the more feminine clothing.

How do I know this? Men have told me about their preferences. Another preference men have told me they have is to be with women who wear makeup. Again, I was told this by many men who informed me they did not want to date certain women because those women did not wear makeup. Makeup is expensive. At least the better makeup is. And as most women know better makeup looks better. It’s easier to put on and it doesn’t hurt your skin the way cheap makeup does.

Another preference many men have is to be with women who have a certain type of body. And so, some women (those whose self-esteem is not yet strong enough to resist being with men who seem to need certain physical attributes in a woman) will go out of their way to have that body type. The least harmful concern seems to be hair type. Long hair is a strong magnet for men who base their attraction (I deliberately use the word “attraction” rather than the word “love”) on the physical attributes of a woman. Another is breast size. Many men criticize a woman’s breasts because they feel they are too small and some even criticize a woman whose breasts, they feel, are too large. This has led to the massive breast augmentation industry. I’ve known several women who have put themselves through this unnecessary operation. One even went through it several times eventually having the enlargement reduced because it was too big and uncomfortable. Breasts have two main purposes; to feed babies and to enhance a woman’s sexual pleasure. Size has very little to do with either one of these purposes. It’s really sad that many women have self-esteem is so low they allow themselves to be manipulated into these surgeries.

As I said in the middle of the last paragraph I’ve used the word “attraction” rather than the word “love” deliberately because attraction is not love. Attraction is simply that and can be the beginning of a relationship, or not. Real love involves work and maturity to help relationships continue through time, problems and challenges. Real love is about the soul of the person, it’s not about the body or shell around the person. It is very sad that women spend extreme amounts of money, effort and time trying to look a certain way for a relationship that might not be able to mature into a lasting love.

What can a woman do? First of all she needs to recognize that attraction will not automatically lead to love. This is a very important point and involves the question of whether or not a man might be addicted to certain physical attributes of some women.

Relationship addiction has nothing to do with love, either. The second thing a woman can do is make sure she is being true to her own value system when she decides whether or not to wear makeup, expensive feminine clothing and whether or not to have cosmetic surgery. Every woman (and man) is born a valuable human being and her value is not based on her appearance (nor is his). Every woman needs to recognize her value and strengths as she is, independent of a relationship. I have always found it interesting to note that many of the men who criticize women’s physical attributes the most are unable to talk about themselves. How can anyone be critical of others when they haven’t taken a good, deep look at themselves? If a woman finds that she is involved with a man who criticizes her appearance a lot, she probably needs to question why she is in the relationship.

Mature love requires that both people be able to evaluate themselves, daily. It requires that both parties think about their feelings and evaluate what those feelings are about. If those feelings are mostly about a physical attraction, the person who has them needs to question whether or not he/she will be able to ethically continue the relationship. Mature love might begin with physical attraction, however love cannot mature unless both parties involved are aware and accepting of the fact that physical attraction will fade. Things always do change! That is life!

About Anne Ream
Anne is a Board Certified Registered art therapist and Licensed Professional Counselor. Anne has been studying human development and relationships for over 45 years. She has been successfully working with families, in various capacities, for over 20 years. Her private practice is in the Mt. Airy section of Philadelphia PA. She specializes in helping people recover from various types of trauma, difficult changes and loss. Anne has an unusual ability to connect with children and adolescents, along with their parents. Parenting is the most important job we ever do, yet no one shows us how to do it or gives us the support we need. Anne has successfully coached many parents through a variety of critical stages in their children’s lives. Anne’s greatest joy is helping people understand themselves and each other.

Get more information at her Web site:   http://www.annescreativetherapy.com

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